Trying to turn the corner. Where is the other side of this? In the military I was told to pie the corner so your enemy don’t see your body as easily. In life I’m leaning to see around the corner hoping something better will appear, but all that happens is more corner appears. It seems the corner goes forever. I never see the straight edge. I can not get a full view around the corner because it never stops.

Recently my uncle passed away. I found him leaning over his stroller unconscious and gave him cpr. He was breathing when the ambulance came. Then the medics shocked his heart with a defibrillator to try and get a stronger beat, but instead it stopped his heart and did not beat again for about 25 minutes. Later on the life support he was on was discontinued and he passed away a few days later. I wanted to go to his funeral, but I was not informed of when it was. I was devastated to not be there for that moment. He is a lot like my dad. I enjoyed the few months I got to know him during that time. His smile could light up the room. He had a very special relationship with his older sister, which I admired. They were quite the dynamic dual.

After he passed away I was given short notice to leave the premises. It came fast and added a lot of stress. I was in the middle of Summer semester and was broke. My finances had locked up and for the first time I knew I was facing homelessness. I couldn’t stay in Washington. I had to move too Oregon to follow the probation guidelines. I Vancouver area in Washington neighbors Portland metro where my encounter occurred with the twisted government and where I found my first wife. I know the city is bad news. So to keep my safety I had planned on living on the Oregon coast camping on the beach. I wanted to meditate and hope to find my center. Rebalance a scale that no longer functioned properly and was missing weights. I had to come to grips with everything quite fast. With a ten day notice of my move out day coming at the end of the month. As the end of the month was during this time my finances were are liquidated. My gas tank light had been lite up as empty for almost 2 weeks. I couldn’t afford to move. I couldn’t afford to do much of anything. I was going to food pantries and losing weight. In all this dissatisfaction awkwardly I still saw humor. I felt like I my situation was testing me. There were little to none backup plans. I felt like I would have to get creative to determine a method to resolve this situation. There wasn’t much there for me to do. I did not want to ask to borrow money from people again, because it was humiliating and humbling. I wanted to do everything the cheapest way possible and if that was pushing my car down the street then so be it.

I did look at buying a sailboat or getting a house loan. My credit score was barely enough to get a home loan and all the houses out here were too expensive. I found a great sailboat at 31feet long with all the trinkets, but the bank did not approve my loan. There did not seem to be much of a choice to make accept take the homeless shelter or campout. I felt as though I rather be homeless then in a shelter in Portland Metro so I started planning for my trip to the Ocean to become a beach bum.

Then with a few days left my college professor the director of the robotics program called me and started ensuring me he would be there to help me move and that he found a place I could live at in Salem. It was a church shelter. He helped me move out July 30th 2023. Drove with me down to Salem, but could not bring me to the shelter as it was not open at the time. He paid for a hotel room for me and I felt humbled by his kindness. He has done more for me than anyone. He told me I can repay him by finishing college, which I have been doing. He has been there through the entire process.

The following morning we drove over to the shelter to meet the guy he had been talking to. Then I finished my intake processing. The shelter smelled terrible. There were so many homeless people in ratty clothes inside and outside of the building. I had never seen anything like it in my entire life. They had no way of me using my laptop to study. I had to leave my backpack unattended t the front door. I couldn’t do it. My computers have my college work on them. They mean more to me than ever. It’s kind of all I have left. I needed to figure out an alternative plan. One of the staff informed me that there is a vetcare center. This was a place that is for veterans for situations like mine. I drove a couple miles from the Church shelter to the vetcare place. I entered the building and met and interesting person. He introduced me to the place and waited as the operations manager was able to see me. The conversation went well. I was able to find a new temporary home that I was somewhat comfortable living at. I’ve been here a few weeks now and its pretty nice. I’m getting support with a lot of things. I’m pushing myself out of my comfort zone and trying to get back to an even keel, but its like trying to nail jello to a tree.

I contemplate a lot on the future not taking enough initiative to act accordingly. I’m not operating at 100% capacity and my future is not bright. The state has betrayed me on ever level and my past haunts me. The one mistake I made marrying a dishonest women has dramatically devalued my life and changed it forever. I watch my peers get jobs I dream of having and all I have a vetcare center. It’s humbling and humiliating. I worked so hard for this in college and I am told to lower my standards, because of what happened. I’m told the situation does effect me and I will hit walls and I do. My value to the world is not acceptable in the format I have to give it. One more class in the Fall and I graduate. Just a few short months and I should have my masters degree in and unique field, but utilizing it will be and uphill climb.