The daunting thoughts in your head can symbolically sound like footsteps in a quiet night walking this way and that. The feeling of cold brisk damp air on your sweaty neck. A feeling of chill running through your bones. A thought of a noise coming from a far in the dark. What is this negative energy that surrounds our sphere of influence. How did we allow ourselves to get consumed by this holistic nature of our tainted minds?
When you are a baby they say your ego develops. It is like when a baby has a toy and someone takes it away. The babe says mine and try to take it back. Our existents depends on having that toy back in our arms. We want to feel comfortable and our instant gratification comes in newer forms as we develop. Like thermodynamics energy is always seeking to decrease and the entropy becomes at a higher level of disorder. We become more complex and disorderly as we become more dependent on instant gratification. Our life’s seem more difficult even though our technology and overall quality of life seems to be improving on an exponential scale.
Many studies show our ability to use the technology we currently have is not growing at the same rate of the technology growing itself. They also state as technology plays a bigger role in our lifes our critical thinking and analysis has declined. We in sense could be like the baby wanting there toy back to feel comfortable. To feel like the world is slowing down and you exist in it only because you allow it too. It’s like a sense of being lost goes away when you have your toy back. How does this metaphor convert to our adult developed minds? Why are chess players better when they are younger. We’ve developed and grown out of our childhood forgetting the infinite knowledge we use to think simplistic, but now we have grown with more bad habits and our minds have to weights and balances to actions and reactions causing us to be overwhelm with our new thinking. We don’t understand that young childhood perspective that once made us feel like a superhero. We do not use technology at the rate it is growing. Our perspective isnt transforming in xy and z direction seemingly. It is now more of a scatter cloud with strings of memories of forgotten connections to our innocence.
They say as humans evolve and become more sophisticated it is normal for them to stay with their parents to an older age. I believe South Americans on average stay with their parents into their lates 20’s and it is considered normal. Humans need more nurturing based off of our sophistication to be successful.
Having a foundation to relate things to has helped me in life. I understand having an even keel is sometimes a one man near impossible talent show, but i’ve also had one with grace at times that was vigilant enough to not be observed kilted by the naked eye. That foundation was shaken, torn, flip up side down, smashed, twisted, and obliterated. It seemed to be a monumental task to get back to my center balance. And like an old rusty wheel if I did rebalance it was not like it use to be. There was now a squeaky noise. I had to distribute weight more cumbersome and intricately to get the same effects as before. And sadly enough ive in the past turned my back on the balance of life, but it seemed with it too numb the pain. Having hatred and disgust narrowed my mind stopping me from broad thoughts that seemed like distractions. I cut corners in my philosophy as a man on what made me level headed and thorough. Sympathy was often replace with disapproval. I found myself in a tug of war match with myself with the whole time stroking my ego. Where had my chi gone. Why can I not improve my position like I use too. So much was holding me back and I needed to relinquish the pain and hate to just find a small piece of insight on what I had left behind. Myself was now a shadow of myself of myself folding in on myself until the residual of me was no longer recognizable. I had push the threshold of myself and become oblivious to a structure I once new as a tranquil center balance. My ego and fear had taken a hold of me over a long period of time making me forget the path back to the even keel, but I had confidence in myself that just like MacGyver I could find my balance again with just a paper clip and a stick of bubblegum. I placed symbolic train of thoughts deep in the trenches of my mind periodically over the years hoping to one day find the way back once the stress of the environment had reseeded. It was like adrenaline and creative thinking with high calculated risk having a baby. My thoughts were in cursive that now correlated to firm reality with a different identify. I made conscious agreements with myself that geometry somehow correlates to thoughts and memories. This gave me an outlet to go further into my own mind and more deeply numb the pain. I was now in the cosmos of my own mind operating at the residence frequency. The single disturbance of any kind could dislodge my state in residence with the maximum mechanical advantage. I was vulnerable but also invisible.
One of the first things I learned in college is thatI should face my fear and make it my best friend. Sleep with the fear somewhere I can see it. Hug the fear and give it all your attention. Understand that fear and dismantle it by analysis and systematically conquering it. This fear can be considered ambiguous. Your fear could be as simple as discomfort like not hitting the snooze button. You make so many decisions everyday that do not follow your heart of hearts. Recognizing these unfavorable decisions and being able to embrace the door of opportunity to break that glass ceiling can be more in focused. I have be taught that defeating your ego can ensure that night when you sleep you will have a hyper dream. You can control your dream and then you can further control your life’s desired outcome. I’m on a path of enlightenment through my dream job as a nomadic mechanization traveler. There is a lot of things I planned for this journey. I do not know what my ego and fear has in store for me, but I believe the path to a clear mind can come with the dream.
