I’m sitting here today reflecting on what the difference is between an acquaintance and a friend.

It’s an interesting dynamic.

You know, like, your friend would do anything for you, help you out when you’re down and out,

when you need help and nobody’s around.

Maybe they’re your one last lifeline, your best friend in the whole world.

Maybe it’s just a stranger who would take their shirt off their back to help you out because that’s just the way they are. They weren’t even your friend.

Or what if your friends in your whole life, you hung around a bunch of selfish people, and in a way, you became one of them.

And since you’re both selfish, you cancel each other out. You become neutral. Is that your friend? Or the friend that neutralizes you for being selfish?

Or what if your friend is, like somebody you know, is dealing with hardship, and your genetic coding has the compassion gene in it,

so you naturally want to try to be helpful or caring?

What if?

But everybody’s ways of helping is different. You know, you have, like, the  porcupine effect.

When the porcupines get cold, they come together, they and when they get really close, they end up poking each other, and then they scurry away again.

And, you know, they get cold again, and they come close together, and then they get too close again, poke each other, and scurry away.

Yeah, so I could see this dynamic play out in a lot of friendships, intimate relationships, family, all sorts of things.

It’s like we are walking contradictions as humans in so many different ways.

And this metaphor with the porcupines, it reminds me very deeply about how we are when getting close to somebody, they’ll, like, push you away  because somebody’s going to get uncomfortable.

Everybody does it I think.

You’re trying to share something deep or just, like, emotionally investing in somebody.

It’s a friendship or a relationship or whatever it is, you know.

For me most of my friends are guys  because I just don’t really have a lot of female friends.

I don’t really feel like it’s necessary a lot. I date women that’s about it you know i’ve got my sisters and family but i don’t really go out and seek female friends i don’t just seek to date you know if i like them It’s probably because i’m interested in more than a friend so what does that mean are they
my acquaintance until they are my girlfriend because i want to be you know i want
something from them i have an agenda i want them to help me see the best version of myself

whatever that is?

someone said that when you’re dating somebody it’s not that you love them you love what they

made what they allow you to be or what you’re what they’ve made it possible for you to become or is that just like you are fortunate lucky and then you have like a lot of instant gratification love too is that friendship  did we move too fast? maybe yeah

did i regret it most of the time not i mean a little bit sometimes but i wanted to be close to them but it wasn’t as a friend

the feeling is a different kind of you know like it’s the female intimacy that i long for i haven’t had a virlfriend in so many months
but I’m traveling the world I’m meeting all these interesting people and they get

me deeply on different things and I’m out here I’m being a scientist in this

ochoco reservoir hanging out with some really wonderful people very
Interesting very kind supportive loving and it’s like a family away from my
Family it’s really crazy but when you’re an acquaintance to somebody what does that mean if  you’re not kind-hearted or the person is not able to be around kind-hearted people?  Or you are slightly kind hearted  and they are maybe much more kind that they won’t even accept you as a friend because their standards are much

higher or what if they’re very unkind and you’re kind and for some dang
stinking reason you end up being really nice to them because of there indiference and negative atitude.

it’s like you can give a man fish or you can teach him how to fish being caring for people I think we often fall into this trap where we’re kind to the ones that shouldn’t get it and mean to the ones that should walking contradictions one-on-one hashtag life cycle 1000 it’s

all a crazy maze. people often think of things white and black and I do it too we all do it we can’t have color vision 100% of the time in all of the layers of our sub consciousness it would be like in practically unreasonably headache you know like it would
Really hurt your head probably I don’t know this guy was talking to me the other day and he’s like  I bet your minds going all sorts of places and he said like ten

different ways and I was like oh actually 26 it was a joke because that’s how many dimensions I remember some guy thinking there is on TED talks so said yeah it’s going 26 dimension I don’t know

my mind’s going in 26 directions so it’s been really quick .

I also thought when I said, no, it was going in 26 different directions, I started thinking,

what would that mean if my mind went in 26 different directions at once?

And I thought about it as a time vector, so it would have four dimensions.

And you could say, like, 30% of me thought that there was a truth to what was being said.

Another 30% of me thought that not all of it was antiquated correctly.

And then, like, 20% of me was, like, satisfied with what was being said.

And then the rest would be, like, dissatisfactory, maybe.

But each emotion or feeling that came with conversation could be explained as three-dimensional or four-dimensional.

It would probably be four, because, you know, you’ve got X, Y, and Z, and then you have time.

So I started thinking about that.

What if you felt happy? What would that look like as a three-dimensional…

…four-phase in thermodynamics?

It would look kind of weird.

Or you felt a little bit offset.

It was unsettling, something that was said.

How is that explained as a four-dimensional vector with acceleration and angular velocity?

What about the third derivative of that?

What would that be? The jerk?

Is that, like, the instant feeling?

And then the accelerated feeling is, like, a little bit less than instant.

And then the velocity

Like, the velocity would be the first derivative and be, where your mind first started forming thought about it.

And then it accelerates.

And then you get that jerk, and now you’re, like, registering this high thought or feeling about something.

Like, the electrons in that atom are excited, and they’re brought to the outer orbital.

It’s the excited level.

The concentration seems harder.

And then it’s almost like your mind can get stuck in that hyper-charged state.

Like, the organic chemistry of our emotions could be in many different forms.

And some of the forms can be stuck in that way.

Each form is supposed to have a different energy level.

In thermodynamics, things always want to reach a lower level with more chaos, more entropy.

So, does that mean that humans naturally are going to be not feeling settled or content?

Because with disarray and chaos, entropy, we’re going with the natural way of life.

So, there has to be some kind of deterioration or inspiration, I would say.

It’s hard to say how those two would work.

My mind’s trying to picture it, but I can’t explain it well.

If you had a good, firm understanding of organic chemistry, maybe I could explain it to you.

But you know how we have triggers in life?

Like, things people say can trigger something in us?

And if we don’t take care of those things, like when we’re younger,

maybe they’re just little potholes in the ground.

Then you get older and they turn into craters.

I mean, that’s happened to me.

I’ve had a lot of those things happen to me.

I’ve numbed myself off the  pain by ignoring it.

Just trying to annotate where I put my breadcrumb trail to that little pothole in the ground

so I can come back and repair it before it turns into a crater.

Because I was so sure of myself that I would be able to.

I’ve done things like this.

I don’t know if it makes sense.

I recently had the opportunity to spend a lot of time with a psychologist who I believe to be hypersensitive, hyper-emotional, and hyper-ridiculous.

Um, psychology was explained in one way, it’s like, something occurs in your life, and at first it’s new, it’s maybe exciting or maybe depressing, but as it occurs more and more, it starts becoming habitual, a ritual, something that’s been repeated, a tradition or something of the likes, and your mind slowly kind of just transitions through without giving much thought to it anymore.

this is one way I’ve heard of, like, psychology could be explained in a way.

Hopefully that made sense.

Now, the philosophy of this example would be more like,

looking at,

when you’re in this situation, why you think about it that way.

Why aren’t you paying attention to it as much as you used to?

What does it even mean?

in this last friendship that I had,  in chapter four of this journey, the psychologist, I often felt like he wasn’t much for philosophy.

He didn’t really get it he didn’t get it, I don’t think.

And I’ve had friends I’ve had great philosophical conversations with, so I would be distraught to say that it was on me being too eccentric or anything.

But I can say that he was often frustrated by  how I didn’t allow things to be simple.

I would add complexity to things. I enjoyed that.

I trained my mind to be that way.

if we habitually, with, like, traditionally doing things in our subconscious, it’s not even really registering it as something significant.

I feel like it would be harder to break those habits.

There’s too many compacted,
elements and units and modules all interconnected.

You don’t even know where the heck to get to the center core to hack the system.

It’s just too much interference.

Too many fields, electric fields, magnetic fields.

Going in there without a fire suit on is like walking on hot coals without feet.

and then that’s not supposed to make sense, I don’t think, but

if it works for somebody, it works.

Another thought of it is, like, when we think about friends and acquaintance, you fall into one of those two, let’s say.

And you don’t really have, like, many other options.

Maybe you’re a business partner.

Maybe it’s your brother.

Maybe it’s a family member.

Maybe it’s just an elder that you want to respect because you were taught to be respectful to your elders.

Or maybe it’s just someone younger than you and you felt obligated to teach them.

Things like this could be considered friendship because it’s acts of kindness.

Do we disassociate ourselves all the time with these acts as friends or acquaintances?

I would think not.

I mean, it’s like the Eskimos.

They got eight words for snow.

Why don’t we have eight?

Eight words for friends.

Eight words for acquaintances.

Eight words for people with agendas.

Because we all have an agenda in some way or another.

But it’s about how the agenda is written.

You know, what kind of ink you’re using.

If you’re left-handed, right-handed.

And then the other person, if they’re compatible with that kind of agenda.

There’s much more complexity to extroverts than I understand.

I’m more introverted.

So when I do have conversations with people, from what I understood, what I read about

introverts is that they take those opportunities to have more deep and meaningful conversations,

but we don’t talk as much, maybe, per se.

So when I’m with an extrovert, they never really want to talk about nothing deep and

I often find myself not really enjoying anything.

It’s like watching paint dry.

Or it’s like nails on a chalkboard.

You have this repetitive characteristic explanations shown with these characteristics that just

keep reoccurring and reoccurring.

And I’ll watch these things with extros, I think, sometimes, if they are that.

And I’ll look at it and make a little math equation for it.

It turns into a 100 by 100 matrix.

And I’ll set every parameter for the poles and zeros as the good control engineer I am.

And then I could do a sensitivity analysis on it or the optimal observer to get the least

amount of energy I need to use to get the system to be stable and working intact.

I’m putting too much pressure on things.

It’s an interesting thing.